After Thoughts
by Draco Is My Life
Summary: Behind the bone white Death Eater mask, hot tears flow down Draco Malfoy’s cheeks as he recollects his visit with Dedra Sinnott, his girlfriend. These are his after thoughts about everything that's happened.


**A/N**: Thanks again to my lovely beta, Alex. Without whom this would be posted with numerous errors. This story won't really make too much sense to you if you don't know the tale of Draco and Dedra. Go read "I'll Make Ever One of Them Pay" by Hissa Slysley first on this site, though this one could stand on it's own I suppose.

**Song**- "Iris" by Goo Goo Dolls Go here to hear it if you've never heard it. It's bloody brilliant. Fanfiction is an ass about putting in web addresses in documents. Change all DOTS and SLASHS into . and / again.

www DOT ls DOT polip DOT com SLASH mp3 SLASH GooGooDolls-Iris DOT mp3

******Disclaimer**: Firstly, do I look like JK Rowling? Well, true you can't see me, but trust me I'm NOT JK Rowling. This story is 100% mine, except for any information including phrases, characters, and anything from Harry Potter books by the genius JK Rowling. I only claim to own this plot. So in short, don't sue me, cause you won't win (and I don't have the money to give you if you did), I have this lovely disclaimer.

**After Thoughts**  
  
Behind the bone white Death Eater mask, hot tears flow down Draco Malfoy's cheeks as he recollects his visit with Dedra Sinnott, his girlfriend. Hurriedly walking through the walls, he ignores the words of the other Death Eaters around him, their jeers, and the snickers. These are his after thoughts about everything that occurred that day.  
  
Draco had accomplished some amazing feats to see her, some tasks that would get him and possible her killed should he be discovered. But he'd take all those risks just to be in the same room with her. Draco was worried that she wouldn't remember him, that she wouldn't respond to him, let alone permit him to touch her. Two months had elapsed since he'd last seen Dedra and it was first time he'd ever witnessed her so fatigued and vulnerable. He planned to not leave that room until they were both ready for him to leave, no matter what the costs.  
  
_"And I'd give up forever to touch you  
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow  
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be  
And I don't want to go home right now"  
_  
Placing a sleeping draught in his parent's nightly cups of tea, it was enough to keep them out until the next morning. Then Draco whispered the passwords he'd known since he was six to break the wards on his parent's bedroom door, smirking as the door opened easily. "Father should really put some new passwords on here...might actually make this a challenge." he mused. He knew that he would be grounded and punished until forever and then some if his father ever figured out what Draco'd done.  
  
_"And all I can taste is this moment  
And all I can breathe is your life  
'Cause sooner or later it's over  
I just don't want to miss you tonight"  
_  
Then stealing a standard issued Death Eater robe and mask, he'd dressed in the outfit quickly and Apparated outside Riddle Manor, where Dedra was being held captive. Posing as his father, Lucius, Draco walked through there with a straight back and head held high, exemplifying the Malfoy image his father always projected. Informing the guards outside the room that he'd been sent to 'play' with the prisoner, they quickly let him in, locking the door behind him.  
  
Yes, Draco had done some extraordinarily stupid things just to see her for a half hour at the most, but it was all worth it. Dammit, he would've fought a hundred hippogriffs if it meant that he could touch her, look into her eyes again, just tell her how much he loved her once more. Draco wanted that chance before it was too late, before the Dark Lord... No, he would rather not think about that.

_"And I don't want the world to see me  
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am"_  
  
None could understand his desperate need to be with her, not even his parents. They were as cold and malicious as the Dark Lord was when they wanted. If they were in the same position as Draco, he doubted very highly that the other would visit the captured one, at least not with the intentions of breaking them out. No, their loyalties to the Dark Lord insured that they would follow his orders to the T without any questions asked or any second thoughts.

Being in the room was easier said than done. For Draco, it was arduous to not simply break down and weep at the sight of his love in such deprived conditions. He literally fought with himself to keep from crying, reasoning with himself that if she wasn't crying then he had no basis to bawl. After all, she'd gone through more horrors than he could've ever fathomed, so why should tears stain his cheeks?

_"And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming  
Or the moment of truth in your lies  
When everything feels like the movies  
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive"_

Dedra lied openly and candidly about her conditions, claiming that she wasn't as badly abused as he deemed her to be. It was in those emerald eyes of hers he found the truth. They showed the anguish and torment she'd suffered those two months. But he didn't correct her; he didn't have the heart to do so.

The room was ghastly, composed of little more than stone and concrete, and it harbored few items. Only a fireplace and a pair of shackles containing Dedra furnished the room. It vaguely reminded him of one out of a horror flick he'd seen at Goyle's house once. Draco had assumed that only reason they had the Muggle tape and things required to view it was to give them pointers on torture techniques.

_"And I don't want the world to see me  
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am"_

So many things had been broken in this room. Dedra's fiery nature had been extinguished to barely a flicker and her hopes were crushed swiftly with the cold-hearted nature of the Death Eaters. There was no doubt in Draco's mind that her body had been broken on several levels while being in this room. And his heart had been shattered at the signs of this. Draco had flat out broke and disregarded quite a few rules and regulations to be here with her, but he didn't give a damn about it.

_"And I don't want the world to see me  
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am"_

When Dedra insisted that he leave to protect them both, he did so with great reluctance. While he didn't quite understand her reasoning for not allowing him to heal her, try to take her away from here, or stay longer, he didn't question her motivation. All he wanted was to stay there and hold her firmly in his arms, but he knew in his mind that she was right. His heart fought him the entire time as he left the condemned room, wanting to stay there and protect her from all harm. She was his love, his Dedra and all he wanted was to shield her from harm and care for her.

He would always be her Draco, the one who loved her so much he'd give up forever and everything with it just to be with her. If she didn't remember anyone else after this place, he hoped that she would know who he was. That this visit would remain in her mind after all else had fled, that he cared about her when no one else did. He didn't care about the rest of the world, only she mattered. Draco just wanted Dedra to know whom he was and that he loved her forever and then some.

_"I just want you to know who I am  
I just want you to know who I am  
I just want you to know who I am"_

**-Flashback-**

"I've missed you...." He whispered. "I've missed you so much it hurts, surely not comparable to you...But it's been so... awkward without you. I've felt like...like half a person, like half a soul." Draco somewhat rambled for a bit, in a vain attempt to gain back some ground.  
  
Lightly responding to his words, she smiled a little bit and inched closer to him, wincing a little bit as she laid her cheek against his shoulder, once again finding no matter where she sat, she was doomed to have her weight against a bruise or scab or some type of wound. "I've missed you... painfully so... myself. I wanted to some how see you... but of course, that wasn't an option, nor was contacting you in any way. He wouldn't have it..."

Busying his hands with detangling her hair, he looked down at her. "No... No, he certainly wouldn't allow such a thing. Any shred of hope is destroyed here, except for this one." He said, emphasizing it by lacing their fingers together. "This is one cord he could never break..."

**-End Flashback-**


End file.
